THE BEGINNING 

Last Monday was seriously one of the most disappointing days that I can remember in many years.  I had just met with a spine specialist to look at some options.  I had just had my second epidural into my spine, in the past month,to help with my chronic back pain but neither of them worked.  “So what’s next?” I asked. “Well the good news, is you’re not yet  to the point where you need back surgery yet, the bad news is “chronic”  means you will always have pain.  We can try different therapies to help lessen the pain but we aren’t going to reverse the effects that have happened over the years.”  She went on to explain that the effects from my cerebral palsy over the years have taken a toll upon my back, add to that osteoarthritis, and a narrowing of the spinal column. old age,  and blah, blah, blah......I had quit listening.  Although she didn’t specifically say it, all I could hear was, “you might want to make your house more ‘wheelchair friendly’ but we’ll see if we can put that off until you get the ramp built.”  The part that ticks me off is that I had already gone through this several years ago and I gotten myself to where I was doing great but now I’m back to where I started.  I’m embarrassed of the shape I’ve let myself get into.  
If I fought through this once before, why can’t I do it again?  Because it wasn’t very easy.  Should I just throw in the towel and look forward to time in the wheelchair?  Probably, it would be a lot easier.  Well why don’t you then?  Well I have a family that relies quite a bit on me being able to move.  Why am I talking to myself?  I don’t know, I’m an idiot.  How did I let myself get back to where I was?  Several things; at one time I was doing Crossfit at the Ogden Athletic Club every day, eating right, doing Physical therapy and going to a chiropractor, sports massages, etc. and I’m not doing those things now.  But, even in my best of health during the past few years, most of the time, I felt like someone had just hit my back with a baseball bat and the worst of days I felt like my vertebrae were being ground together while someone was also holding a cattle prod to my back.  Now, I basically always feel like things are grinding.
So basically, what happened for several reasons, injuries, lack of money, enjoying good tasting food, etc. has left me back on the path towards a nice wheelchair at an early age.  I mean, no matter what I do, there’s a good chance that I’m going to be there someday anyway.  Why not just embrace it and enjoy it.  You do get better parking spots, you get to board planes first, you get wider bathroom stalls, it can’t be all that bad.  
Yet, in the back of my mind, I know I can get back to a quality way of life.  It will take a lot of work, willpower, money, vegetables (yechhhh) but it can be done.  So I’ve been telling myself for months now, that I’m going to give it another shot.  I can do this.  I’m going to get back into shape and I even know where to start?  The most logical place to start are these 40+ lbs that I’ve gained over the past year and then we’ll look at adding back these other things to do along with eating right.  I’ve been planning this for months but I haven’t done it yet.  I’ve had some great excuses why I haven’t started yet:
-Well, it literally hurts A LOT to get out of bed in the morning.
-I’ve got this event coming up that I want to get out of the way, and then I’ll start.  
-Taco Bell’s new Dorito Taco Shell!
-I hate exercise, I hate mornings, etc.
I have figured out that there will always be some reason or occasion that I should get out of the way before I start. I’ve got to just suck it up and start.  So I’ve* created this blog (*my 10 year old daughter actually created it.)  It’s pretty plain but I will be be able to keep day to day tracking of the workouts, meals, therapies etc. as well as a daily picture so that I can track my progress. Basically this blog is going to be my record  to see how great of quality of life I can maintain.
If you haven’t gotten bored and quit reading this blog entry, you’re probably asking, why do I think that losing the weight will matter if I already hurt before then?  Well, if someone were drowning and struggling to stay above water, what would happen if you handed them a 40 lb weight?  Would they think, “I was already drowning before I had this weight on me so it doesn’t matter, I’ll just keep trying to stay afloat.” No.  They are going to get rid of that weight as fast as they can and then continue to work on not drowning.  So that is what I have decided to do.
When I was attending Crossfit The Club daily, I was eating right because I didn’t want the bad foods to affect my results in the workouts.  So to accompany my diet, I am going to try to get back into Crossfit full time.  For me, these naturally go hand in hand.  Even if some days, all I can do is row, ride the bikes, or just walking to the back of the gym and taking my daily pic, just moving in the mornings, breaking off some of the rust and being near my friends and “support group” is what I need first off.  As I get back into healthy eating and exercise, and stretching, I will also try other  tools, therapies, etc to see what will help me the best according to what I can afford.  
So I guess I have made this blog to help me set goals for myself, track them, and hold myself accountable.  A goal not written down, is only a wish.  This is the beginning of a long process.  If others feel that they can gain anything from it, feel free to follow along.  My plans, are to update this daily with a post workout pic and once or twice a week with a longer blog post on different things that I am trying.  If everyone else finds my records and ramblings to be dull and no one wants to follow along, I guess I don’t care as long as I can enhance my quality of life for as long as I can. So, let it begin.

"The Beginning"